January 2012
2 posts
Me: There's a bird on the fire escape!
Josh: What?
Me: It's a little tit!
Josh: Like you.
Me: Ooh, your hair smells nice.
Josh: Your hair smells like poo poo.
December 2011
1 post
I don't want them now.
Josh: All your gifts total the size of a human head, so leave that much space in your suitca-
Me: What the fuck analogy is that?
November 2011
1 post
“I’m pregnant with love for you. Oh my God I’m going into labour.”
October 2011
9 posts
“Oh my God… You are an evil Satan whore. Borrow my jeans? You might as well...”
“What a creepy ass little song they’ve got at the end. It’s like...”
“I’m going to cut little holes in your back and roll you down a hall like a...”
“I hate when little girls scream. There is no fucking need. There is just no call...”
“I think a lot of things should be like 101 dalmations. Children should be put in...”
“I’ll just slap you in the pregnant belly and run away. Our baby could come...”
1 tag
2 tags
My boyfriend just shaved off his stubbly beard.
billiebilliebillie:
And I had to just watch in screaming horror as I could do nothing to stop him.
Nothing.
Not something he said, but something he did.
Same boyfriend. Personal tumblr.
I miss that beard.
Josh: Don't give Josh Bird lectures at 9am. He doesn't go to them.
Me: I'll fucking come up there and slap the shit out of you if you keep doing that.
Josh: No you won't. I'll defend myself by holding your arm and you'd start crying.
September 2011
3 posts
2 tags
“I just punched a wasp. It was flying at me and I just punched it out of the air”
“The gay guy in Glee makes me so uncomfortable. I feel like he’s determined...”
August 2011
3 posts
My sister's status was "Just got my walking boots...
“For some reason I thought that Kesha’s name was Kenya, and that the actual word for Kenya was Kanya and that your sister was stupid.”
“There was a spider on the wall and I whipped it to death with my belt.”
“I’m sorry I’m hung.”
July 2011
10 posts
Josh: It's unfortunate that 'Queef' rhymes with 'Relief'.
Me: Why is that unfortunate?
Josh: It is unfortunate though...idk it could just be turned into a rude song...
Me: I itched my neck and strangled myself. And it hurt my things.
Josh: Things?
Me: The bits inside idk.
Josh: Lol. Dr. Billie.
Me: The streetlamps are off for some reason. The Slenderman came back into my fears
Josh: Oh honey.
Me: You know what is the only thing that helps me? In 'Friendship is Magic', theres a song about facing your fears. That... Are you laughing at me?
Josh: You're such a nob. Fucking. 'Friendship is Magic'
Me: Fuck you suck your dick. I hate you.
Josh: You piss poor excuse. Oh my God, never expected.
Me: Why?
Josh: Oh honey, you little gay.
Me: Shut up its a good programme.
Josh: But I am glad you can feel better. I shall name this phenomenon 'Slendship is Magic'
“Yeah I can’t draw my hair… Its too glorious.”
“‘What’s my future husband’s name?’ Says this advert....”
Me: I really want to get breast implants.
Josh: No you don't. You're already my big titted princess.
1 tag
“A smiiile? Dirty girl, only cheered up by the idea of cunnilingus.”
Josh: (Unintelligible mumble)
Me: Aww, you miss me?
Josh: I actually said ‘bums’ but yes I do.
“Just farted, and it was trapped. Felt a mighty wind on the back of my balls....”
“You might just be like ‘Hey what the fuck’, and blast a stinker all...”
June 2011
4 posts
1 tag
“I fucking adore you, you magical piece of shit.”
While I was being a sexy secretary.
Me: My name is sexy Billie.
Josh: Your name is fired.
Me: It's so warm in here.
Josh: Lets see how horny you are on the dole!
May 2011
8 posts
1 tag
“Stop crying honey, it’s boring.”
1 tag
“Don’t worry. It’s only me pretending to be crazy desert cannibal.”
1 tag
“You are seriously the world’s only smart, poor conservative.”
“You know what you are, you’re thousands of unwanted visitors. You may be...”
“Love your little head. ‘Cause it’s got your face and hair on it and...”
“I wanna lay in a pit of vibrators. Would be so weird.”
“I guess blind people can’t use Facebook.”
1 tag
“I think men talk to me because of my shiny cleavage :(”
April 2011
8 posts
“Oh honey. Your lips are like baby bums.”
“Skelletor porn! I really hope this is Skelletor from He-Man… Aww,...”
“Stop wincing at me like an Asian.”
1 tag
“I know baby, I wouldn’t wither. *Either. I might wither, depends how hot...”
“I forgot how delicious your rack was.”
“You’re a beautiful eagle…and I will shoot you down.”
“Let me see your hair properly. It’s very sexy. It’s all…...”
“Thank you for tolerating my boring game stories, my apricot-buttocked princess.”
March 2011
20 posts
“They call him Creepy Steve for a reason, Honey.”